You never know what kind of person you’re going to be in a traumatic scenario. Psychology tells us there are 3 different responses … freeze, fight or flight. Me? I’m a frikkin icicle. I WISH i could be braver when it calls for it, but the reality is that i just stand there, perhaps screaming my little lungs out, but standing non the less. Not running away, and not fighting. Afterwards i think to myself “why didn’t i just fight, or do SOMETHING?” and i sometimes feel a little sheepish for reacting the way i do… but at the end of the day, i’m still alive, and you never know, it might just be because i never fought. I did however, try hitting an alsatian on the head when it was attacking my puppy … but i’m afraid it probably didn’t even know i was there. I have dreams sometimes that i’m hitting someone (no judging) and they literally can’t feel a thing, which makes me so angry, and makes me hit more, but still they feel nothing. Hitting that alsatian was a bit like that.
There’s nothing worse than being so completely overwhelmed with fear that you are unable to move. It’s like you just stand and watch things happen in slow motion and, although you are completely aware at how unhelpful you are, nothing propels you to do anything. Scared and helpless, you just watch whatever nightmare unravels right in front of your eyes.
Seeing my precious four-legged best-friend being attacked by something 10 times her size was by far the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me, personally. To someone who’s had to fight for his or her own life … that must be a complete different level of fear, one that to me is beyond comprehension.
I always thought i was a bit brave. I’m not. I always thought i would protect my dog with my own life, like she would for me. I didn’t. I always thought i’d in some way, some how be a little bit of a hero. Turns out i’m a complete wimp when tested. Maybe i’m brave in other ways.
Brave: (noun): ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage
(verb): endure or face (unpleasant conditions or behavior) without showing fear
“Unpleasant conditions” i could probably do… but then again, no electricity is what i call and unpleasant condition, so it’s probably not what they’re talking about? How can someone be scared, but not show they’re scared? I don’t know how to feel ANYTHING and not show it? That’s not really the kind of person i am. I’m more of an ‘open book ‘wear your heart on your sleeve’ type of girl. Not really helpful when staring at the fangs of an agressive “beast”. That dog knew i was crapping my pants and took full advantage! Everything i had “learned” from Cesar Millan about being “calm and assertive” when facing an aggressive dog flew right out the window with one look at it’s bright pink panting mouth, and i had never wished more that the amazing “Dog Whisperer” was my best buddy, walking partner and – let’s be honest – bodyguard.
Even though my poor little Aoki is doing well, and will no doubt get over it faster than you can say “walkies”, i’m afraid i’m holding a grudge against that dog’s owner that will only disappear with time. But Aoki is teaching me to live in the now, to put the past behind me, let go of offense and be happy that today, things are ok.
There’s a lot we can learn from these adorable creatures, and i wish i could give back more than ‘sit’ ‘stay’ and ‘paw’ … because that pales in comparison to what she’s teaching me.