Many song titles could have been typed into the title bar of this entry, but i decided to book-end this post with a bit of ‘Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros’. You know why.
I realise we’re not very far into 2014 but, until today, i didn’t have many wonderful expectations for this year. It started off pretty crummy. I won’t go in to detail, but let’s just say it was disappointing. Disappointing, frustrating, and rather annoying. I would say more (not really) but I think most can relate to those three words in one way or another… and another… and another.
I was feeling sad, a little hopeless, and somewhat negative. I didn’t feel negative about life in general, just certain areas which i wished were different. I wasn’t necessarily walking around with a long face, but i was definitely walking around with a perplexed mind and a hurting heart. I tried to recognise exactly what i was believing about my circumstances, if (and how) i believed they would change, whether or not i was powerless to change them, and what the heck to do with myself until change did appear.
If, after many years, our expectations aren’t met, we can easily be tempted to stop expecting.
If, after many prayers, nothing happens, we can easily be tempted to stop praying.
If, after many (enter appropriate amount of time here) your dreams still seem to be without a glimmer of hope, we can easily be tempted to stop dreaming, or wishing, or hoping.
This is, basically, what went through my mind as i walked around contemplating God and life, and overanalysing behaviours (mine and others) all the live long day. The good thing is that it kept me very busy… I’ve been on holiday, so i’ve had nothing but time. It also made me ask myself some very important questions, which is a good thing every once in a while. However, it made me very tired (who knew that considering throwing in the towel could be such an arduous task?) and it wasn’t a whole lot of fun.
I guess, no matter how cheerful one’s disposition, there will always be moments in life that are ‘less fuzzy bunny – more prickly pear’ as my flat-mate Sian would say. (Oh Siany and her jokes!) I also remembered hearing ‘you might not be able to change your circumstances but you can change your attitude’, which I would be SO tempted to argue against, if I wasn’t so tempted to try it.
I don’t think it’s healthy for people to never feel anything negative. It’s a good thing to go through tough times, to question what you believe and why, and to ask for help when you need it. Moments like that are important for us to grow and learn and mature, absolutely. But sooner or later one can get tired of tripping over one’s own bottom lip. Plus, you’ll need that lip for when you want to comfort-eat yourself through your next soft-serve.
Being sad and confused in the dark is boring, and sooner or later you need to find your way back into the sunshine.
Life is far more fun with a head full of dreams, expecting something wonderful to happen at any moment, and believing that something is possible no matter how hopeless it seems. To live beyond hurts, failures, un-forgiveness and revenge and to always remember that the picture is way bigger than the part we can see.
God’s timing IS perfect.
His plans for us ARE good.
And anything IS possible.
(The three lines that made me want to punch people in the face a week ago.)
That’s something I (have to) CHOOSE to believe, and live.
So to end this post. I leave you with one of my favourite quotes from my favourite musician, Alexander Ebert…
“…The intellectual path left me very depleted of spirit… my sense of adventure and spirit and magic disappeared and, honestly, it’s just more fun to live with magic than without it… with the sense of anything being possible… with the sense of the the invisible as a possibility, than it is to believe that ‘this table is just a table’. It’s just more fun to believe in the possibility of anything being possible!“
Thank you Alex! You’re a real gem!